Thoughts on a Tuesday Morning (Don’t Join Sirius Radio and Why I Can’t Get Over Mike from Connecticut)
I have been waiting on the phone for ten minutes to cancel my Sirius radio. This is exactly why I want to build a pipe bomb and wreck corporate offices. They make is as hard as humanly possible to cancel a service. I bought a six months subscription for my Dad last Christmas and then six months later, they were billing me for another six months. I called to cancel…again another 20 minute ordeal, wherein the guy tells me that the cancellation fee is $60. What!!! Oh, yeah, it was in the fine print of the contract. Now, I understand that this is my fault, but it’s shady business practices like that, hidden fees and shit, that sicken me. Ever thought of just giving people great service for the product they buy and let them renew because they enjoy your product so much? WTF!
So, I then tell the guy to just let the year subscription run out and then to please CANCEL MY ACCOUNT. Six months later, guess where $77 was deducted from my checking account? My friends as Sirius. I told them woman, nicely, for I know it’s not her fault, that the company looks greedy and tricky and they should cancel accounts when asked and not lure people into thinking they are actually getting what they paid for.
Anyway, that was my morning rant.
So, I think I am hitting the wall with trying to get my foot in the door with Mike from Connecticut. I was hesitant to write about him on Tumblr, but he doesn’t follow me anyway, and my cousin can just deal with it. Brian, ultimately, doesn’t give a shit about Mike and I, so I know it won’t bother him.
Mike is wound so insanely tight that I know he will never give me a second chance. He is the king of isolation. He let me in and I hurt him, not intentionally, but I hurt him nonetheless. He has a pile of mental and emotional shit that he needs to deal with, and I know that he does still care, he told me he still cares, but he is a million miles away from even acting on those feelings. And that needs to be enough for me.
I just feel stupid for still nurturing this passion for him…it’s like a little plant that I still water…I should just stick it in the sun and let it dry up, die, whither away. Being in LA makes me think about him more. I can’t ever listen to State Radio again, ever again. He has no idea how much a care for him still. Pathetic really. I want to walk to Trader Joe’s and make dinner and drink wine and smoke cigarettes and drink Gin and Tonics. I want to argue about EVERYTHING. I want to laugh about EVERYTHING. I want to hear him play guitar and do whatever I could to avoid hiking. I want to go to the Grove and walk around, holding hands. I want to hear him speak Dutch to his Dad.
We were horrible for each other, but perfect for each other. The timing was truly horrible. Beyond horrible. Even though I was an emotional wreck, that never took away from the absolute joy and affection I had for him. He doesn’t believe me. He wants things to be black and white, yes or no. He’s young. What do I expect? I just have to get these thoughts our of my head and into the universe, or I’m going to explode. I ask the universe for peace with us and for him to open his heart again. I’m different now. I have my shit together. I am so eager for him to see me now, see me as myself, not bogged down with guilt and depression. I think I am a complete person now, and i want him to meet me again. I know he will tell the difference, and I hope one day he will be ready for that.
I need to let it go.
3 years ago • Notes